CATHERINE’S STORY

Catherine and I have a decent relationship, so it’s not out of place when she calls me out of the blue one day and asks me to accompany her to the hospital.

She and her husband Dele have been married for 2 years, with a 5-month-old son.

On our drive to the hospital, she tells me thinks she has a sexually transmitted infection.

We get to the hospital and our fears are confirmed: the doctor is telling her in Yoruba to stop sleeping with her husband. It’s an awkward situation for me, and I am literally counting the ceiling tiles at this stage.

On our way to the pharmacy, she tells me this is the third time she is treating an STI, and that she doesn’t know why Dele keeps treating her this way.

“Did you treat the infection properly the previous time it happened?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“And you’re sure it was Dele that infected you?”

Catherine is visibly offended. “Why would you ask that?”

At this point I stop asking her questions, and tell her to stop sleeping with him. Today it’s an STI that merely costs a lot to treat; tomorrow it could be HIV that graduates to AIDS.

She says she can’t stop sleeping with him. Not only does she enjoy sex with her husband, she believes it’s not biblical to withhold sex from one’s spouse, even though her life is in danger.

“Catherine, you are approaching this from the wrong angle,” I tell her. “This man is cheating on you, dishonouring the vows you both took, and putting your life and his in danger!”

I am unable to understand why can’t she wake up and smell the coffee. This man is cheating, but it’s okay as long as he comes home every night — even though it requires monthly visits to the doctor’s to treat infections.

Catherine says she believes men will always be men, and marriage is for better for worse. She is a strong believer in submission and that is why she keeps submitting her body to her husband. She said since she has obeyed God, she believes that God will heal her too. 

She also says she is a sexual person, so a period of abstinence is out of the question. She mentions that her sister had told her to consider the use of sexual toys; at least those ones don’t come with infections. I do not respond to this.

I am out of words for Catherine. I really don’t know what to say to her. Please give her your advice in the comment section.

I am really curious: where do we stand as Christians if we have cheating spouses? I know the word of God is our life manual, but if someone is taking actions that affect your life negatively, do you just ignore it, hoping God will intervene? Is it ‘unchristian’ to call out your partner if you think they are acting recklessly?

I also want to know, should Christians use sex toys?


Let’s discuss!

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25 YEARS LATER…

A friend told me a story of two female friends in Zaria, Rabi and Khadijat.

Rabi was dating Ali, a successful and prominent lawyer. She and Ali were relationship goals; he showered her with gifts, attention, affection— all these things that make people go “Awww!”

One day a friend told Rabi that Ali was spotted in another hostel with a babe, let’s call her Miriam.

Rabi and Khadijat had a conversation about it and she decided to ignore it, but “world people”, would not let Rabi rest; yet another person walked up to tell her Ali had been spotted with the same girl.

It was surprising because Ali still came around, did all the things boyfriends do, and he still talked about a future with Rabi.

Since having a decent conversation with your partner is overrated, Rabi decided to take Kadijat’s advice and see a voodoo doctor in Kogi to charm Ali so he could be attracted to her alone.

When they got to the doctor’s neighbourhood, they asked an elderly woman for directions. The change in the woman’s countenance as soon as the voodoo doctor’s name was mentioned was further confirmation of his reputation as a powerful spiritualist. When they got there, Rabi told him her challenge. The doctor told them to return to Zaria and told Rabi to return alone in two days’ time.

That was the last time Rabi was seen. Ali searched tirelessly but couldn’t find her.  Khadija kept sealed lips up, lest it be heard that she was the chief adviser. However, she went back to search for her friend and the doctor, and when she didn’t find them, she just assumed Rabi was probably dead.

However, Rabi was in that village. She was married to that voodoo doctor and had 4 kids with him. They were married 25 years.

In their 25thyear of marriage, he died, and that was when the scales fell off her eyes. The power of his spell having been broken by his demise, Rabi couldn’t understand why she was married to such a man. She couldn’t understand why she was living in a village.

She decided to return to Zaria to search for Ali. When she saw him in a mosque where he came for Friday prayers with his entourage, he couldn’t recognize her, so she reintroduced herself, and told him her story. Ali then told her that Miriam was his cousin; that was why he was always visiting her.

These are the things I learnt from this story and I think they can be adopted in all areas of life:

Always communicate: Contrary to what many believe, communication is everything, it will get you out of trouble. How is that you are in a relationship with someone and you won’t talk about actions that don’t sit well with you? You communicate so that you can you clear all doubts. Stop assuming. If something is not clear, ask. Feed your curiosity.

Avoid desperation: Desperation will mess you up. I repeat; it will mess you up. You always have a choice in every situation. Rabi didn’t need to waste 25 years of her life. Even if Ali was cheating on her, she could have walked out. There is a verse I love so much:

“He hath made everything beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”

“He hath made everything beautiful in his time…” It sounds clichéd right? Clichés are clichés, because more often than not, they are true.

Mind the company you keep: I know I sound like your mother now, but surround yourself with people who give off positive vibes, people who help your walk with your Maker and encourage you to be the better version of yourself. There is this saying that goes, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend your time with.” So, who are you inviting into your personal space?

Guard your heart: Run away from whatever will make you compromise your stand with God! Be careful what you allow in your space. I can’t scream it enough! Guard your heart and do it jealously!!

I want to appreciate everyone who has taken time out to visit this blog. Don’t forget to leave a comment below. Have a beautiful weekend!