Catherine and I have a decent relationship, so it’s not out of place when she calls me out of the blue one day and asks me to accompany her to the hospital.
She and her husband Dele have been married for 2 years, with a 5-month-old son.
On our drive to the hospital, she tells me thinks she has a sexually transmitted infection.
We get to the hospital and our fears are confirmed: the doctor is telling her in Yoruba to stop sleeping with her husband. It’s an awkward situation for me, and I am literally counting the ceiling tiles at this stage.
On our way to the pharmacy, she tells me this is the third time she is treating an STI, and that she doesn’t know why Dele keeps treating her this way.
“Did you treat the infection properly the previous time it happened?” I ask.
“And you’re sure it was Dele that infected you?”
Catherine is visibly offended. “Why would you ask that?”
At this point I stop asking her questions, and tell her to stop sleeping with him. Today it’s an STI that merely costs a lot to treat; tomorrow it could be HIV that graduates to AIDS.
She says she can’t stop sleeping with him. Not only does she enjoy sex with her husband, she believes it’s not biblical to withhold sex from one’s spouse, even though her life is in danger.
“Catherine, you are approaching this from the wrong angle,” I tell her. “This man is cheating on you, dishonouring the vows you both took, and putting your life and his in danger!”
I am unable to understand why can’t she wake up and smell the coffee. This man is cheating, but it’s okay as long as he comes home every night — even though it requires monthly visits to the doctor’s to treat infections.
Catherine says she believes men will always be men, and marriage is for better for worse. She is a strong believer in submission and that is why she keeps submitting her body to her husband. She said since she has obeyed God, she believes that God will heal her too.
She also says she is a sexual person, so a period of abstinence is out of the question. She mentions that her sister had told her to consider the use of sexual toys; at least those ones don’t come with infections. I do not respond to this.
I am out of words for Catherine. I really don’t know what to say to her. Please give her your advice in the comment section.
I am really curious: where do we stand as Christians if we have cheating spouses? I know the word of God is our life manual, but if someone is taking actions that affect your life negatively, do you just ignore it, hoping God will intervene? Is it ‘unchristian’ to call out your partner if you think they are acting recklessly?
I also want to know, should Christians use sex toys?