Churches and Wedding Rules


When my brother’s friend, Frank, called to say he was getting married, I was excited. I asked him what the date was, and he said he would let me know. To my surprise, months passed and I still had not gotten a date.

Finally, we meet face to face and I ask him if there’s a problem. He says the churches are refusing to wed them because his wife-to-be is 4 months pregnant. So I ask why they can’t just go for church blessing, as couples in this situation usually do. He says no; he wants a church wedding with his pregnant bride.

In most churches under the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), you cannot have a church wedding if you are pregnant. Most churches now require the following before they can conduct your wedding in the church:

1. Genotype test
2. Blood group test
3. Hepatitis A, B, and C test
4. Bank account statement
5. Certificate of qualification
6. House fellowship attendance
7. Consent letter from parents

Frank could not find a church to marry them and this made him very angry. He felt the church was just being hypocritical because, according to him, 90% of the people who get married in church have been sexually intimate with their intended spouse.

A lady I know had an abortion 3 weeks to her wedding because the church would call off the wedding if they found out she was pregnant, and she could not deal with the embarrassment; the invitations had already gone out.

Did I mention that in many churches every bride-to-be must take a pregnancy test a day to the wedding?

Frank tells me that God has forgiven him and his wife-to-be for their sin of fornication, and so the church should also move past it. Or do they want his fiancée to have an abortion? He insists that he and his wife have to be married in a church.

What do you think? Is he right to insist on a church wedding with the pregnancy? Are these church rules really fair?

I would love to hear from you, please leave a comment.


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9 thoughts on “Churches and Wedding Rules

  1. For me , give unto caesar what is caesars, now not saying the church is wrong or right but they have made certain rules that they feel is the right thing…its now your choice to comply or not. Fine she is pregnant and he knows God has forgiven them. ..in my own opinion do the court and trad wedding now and after the birth. ..do the white. No matter what it is called church blessing,just do it. It's in the presence of God and it still will be blessed. My 2 cent.

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  2. If one wants to be part of a place, then it is necessary to comply. Frank should know that it is not by force to o church wedding. If he does the traditional wedding and they do their court wedding, it is valid. They can do the church blessing. As for the rules, we need them to avoid lawlessness. That bank statement one feels rather intrusive but I guess experience has taught them the need for it. Pls what is certificate of qualification? I've never heard of it o.

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  3. People are more conscious of fornication because they know church won't wed them. Just imagine the state of lawlessness if there was no rules at all. A lot of men who are financially incapable are trying to get married these days and leaving responsibility for the women hence the need for bank statement. I don't blame churches joor. The stories we hear these days

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  4. For the getting pregnant and no church wedding, every sin has its consequence, even God set rules to help guide our daily lives. Not sure about the bank account though but the others stated there are just procedures to be sure everyone is in agreement that is the couple, their parents and the church. They are just measures to ensure things are in order

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  5. I don't think he's right to insist. That's why there's church blessing, for those that have 'fallen'.
    I believe the church blessing is the church's way of not totally condemning people. The laws were in place before they had sex and got pregnant and they can't claim ignorance. You can't eat your cake and have it. If they were so determined to have a church wedding, they should have abstained.

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  6. I understand that the Nigerian society puts a lot of pressure on ladies to be perfect but it is so absurd that the lady getting married in 3 weeks had an abortion. For the love of God, she is getting married to the father of the child. People need to learn to live their lives for themselves by themselves. You owe no one but God and explanation of how you lived your life on earth. My two cents

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  7. Interacting with people on this issue, I discovered that some churches take it a step further; they carry out house inspection and demand letter from your present pastor to attest to your character. However no matter the measures carried out to protect marriages, only our Lord Jesus Christ can truly build a home.

    The Bible teaches us in Hebrews 13:7, “Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.”

    We should also remember that there is no authority that exists, that is not ordained by our God (Romans 13:1-6). If the rules are in accordance with the will of God, it is just expedient that we obey them. The church should also be guided not to be perceived as over-the-top. Moderation is essential for believers in Christ.

    Till next week Tuesday, always remember that God’s love for you is abundant and overflowing.

    Love, Tolu Banjo.

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  8. He's not wrong for insisting,might as well just add virginity test to the list then, because the actual sin is fornication and not the being pregnant.
    Bank account statement is quite uncalled for. So if the person earns not too much, or little, they shouldn't get married? Because God can't bless him / her after the wedding? How does someone have an abortion three weeks to her wedding because of the church??? Church? Anyway, to each his own. There are probably churches that don't mind,the guy should find one of them.

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  9. Wow, insightful and thought provoking, it brings to the fore the rejection one suffers from societal rules meant to protect the sanctity of marriage as ordained by God. Whilst the church is in order so that those still feeding from milk may not construe it to infer the church sanctioning premarital sex.

    As suggested by others in this forum, traditional and court wedding would suffice for now. They can also invite a pastor to officiate the solemnisation outside the church.

    Above are my thoughts and I neither condemn the church for its insistence nor the would-be couple.

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