When Is It Time To Let Go?

broken-ring

Kayode was in his mid-40s when he met 26-year-old Lara. He was unmarried, and had been turned down by 3 women in the last two years. He was now desperate to marry because 50 was not far away.

Lara was an easygoing girl and although liked and respected Kayode, she felt the age difference between them was much. She also didn’t approve of his drinking and the late nights he kept.

Kayode started putting pressure on Lara to marry him. She said no, but he started crying, begging her, so Lara asked him to give her some time to think about his proposal.

Lara took the issue to her aunt for counsel, and her aunt told her that Kayode truly loved her, so she should not turn him down “just” because of drinking.

Kayode and Lara eventually got married, and she had two sons in quick succession. By the 4th year of their marriage, Kayode’s behaviour had deteriorated. He came home past midnight, and drank heavily. When Lara complained, he often answered her with a slap.

She once tried to talk to him about his behaviour in one of his sober moments, and was saddened by his response.

“Are you not happy that I come home at all? Some of my friends do not even sleep at home!”

Shortly after that he sat her down and told her he wanted out of the marriage. He said he had married her out of desperation because of his age; he was not patient enough to wait for his true love. Now, he had found her, and he could not let her go. He promised to settle Lara with some money, and told her he had already called his people to inform them.

Lara could not understand what was going on. She confided in her friend Tola who told her it was all the work of the devil and urged her to fight for her marriage. Tola took Lara to see her pastor’s wife, after which Tola and Lara started holding night vigils, fasting and praying for the restoration of Lara’s marriage. At this stage, Kayode now came home only on weekends.

Kayode’s family and friends were totally against him on the divorce issue, and many of them tried to intervene, but Kayode refused to listen. He told them he should never have married Lara in the first place; she was not even a graduate and as such was below his standard.

Lara is praying day and night for God to restore her marriage, while Kayode’s only desire is to be left alone to marry the one he loves.

What should Lara do? Should she keep praying and fighting for her marriage, or should she let go?

Please advise her.

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12 thoughts on “When Is It Time To Let Go?

  1. Personally, I think praying and asking God to change a wolf into a sheep after clearly marrying a wolf is a fools errand. She should instead pray for strength to find her feet and grace to start over. This is probably God telling her to get out b4 he comes home drunk and nd kills her some day. Please she should give God and nd chance to bless her……

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  2. Sad …very sad…unfortunately I know a true story little similar with this. As long as he’s not being violent towards her she can stay and keep praying until God speaks. But she can never force him to love her so she should keep an open mind cos wit or without God speaking my dear e say e no wan do, e no wan do oh…..its well!!!

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  3. If she loves him, she should fight
    But if she lets him go, I think infidelity is enough reason to move on.
    The beatings and so on def call for separation. Life and safety 1st
    She can pray from far

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    • This is not the type of story I want to really waste my time on.
      Lara made mistakes from day one. How can you marry a man 3 other ladies have rejected within the last two years without considering their reasons for rejecting him.
      What were her conditions for marrying him. From the beginning the man was begging for marriage so that he can have children from a decent lady. NOT BECAUSE HE LOVED HER TO FORSAKE HIS DRINKS AND THE OTHER WOMEN
      She should pick up her life and get out of the marriage.
      You can not force a man to marry you. You didn’t marry because of the children.
      Unhappiness can shorten your life.
      Lara if you need to go back to school this is your chance.
      Don’t take the children with you but make sure that they are well looked after and you have unrestricted access to them.

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  4. She should be responsible for herself now and go back to school, get a job leave the man to do whatever he feels like doing. If both of them are successful they won’t disrespect each other and if they do, they will not be bothered by what the other party is doing that much. When a man starts to be violent, there’s no reason to stay with such a man.

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  5. In my estimation, I think the foundation of the marriage is faulty.Lara wasn’t new birthed if my memory serves me well. In our spirikoko parlance, we say born again. So, she entered into the marriage in the flesh and expects it to yeild results of the spirit. Well, if she thinks she has found Christ, she’s now in trouble because she cannot divorce. However, she can pray two(2) prayers: 1) she can ask God to let the man get tired and walk away from her(in which case she can now christianly remarry) or 2) she can do all she can to ensure the childish man is restored to his sanity, to regain the dignity of a proper husband. Whatever the outcome though, if Lara has encountered Christ, the decision to dissolve the marriage can never come from her. But if Lara is unborn again, then she’s a pathetic unbeliever who should endure with patience whatever comes to her because with unbelievers, anything is possible. When God was calling out to her as a loving father through the Churches and the gospel, she was claiming sabi sabi(I know pass God). Now there’s fire in the room and she’s praying. Yoruba will say Osesebere ni(You just start)

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  6. You don’t have to stay there to “fight for your marriage”! Staying with someone who doesn’t want you is not wise, but forcing yourself on someone who desperately wants out is DANGEROUS! And this guy already drinks excessively, verbally abuses you, beats you up and is unfaithful. Come on, Lara! You have a life to live, children to care for!

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  7. What’s the foundation?
    Who is born again, who isn’t?
    What does she want from her marriage?
    What kind of life does she want? She can start building it now?
    Is it important for her to fulfil her dreams? Can her mom look after the kids if she works and sends some money?

    There is a lot to figure out, it all begins the day she starts planning and execution. She won’t feel so helpless once she writes down the plan.

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    • True! And the man has promised to settle her with some money, so at least his children’s upkeep won’t be an issue for some time. I don’t think the man is saved, and she apparently just came to know God through Tola. I think she should start a new life and as you said, writing down a plan is key.

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  8. Life is for the living, all indication shows that the man isn’t in love with you Lara. It’s unfortunate that you really didn’t take your time to do a proper evaluation before committing to the relationship. “You do not marry out of pity”
    My advice for you will be to oblige is request, leave him and start all over again. With the recent history of violence. If the man doesn’t kill you he will render you invalid

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