The Believer’s Sexuality 2: Should Christian Couples Exchange Nudes?

black-hands-with-wedding-rings

Tomi has learnt obedience by the things she has suffered. She has learnt not to go through people’s pictures on their phones; you may be very surprised by the kinds of pictures on their phones.

Ovie, a brother in Tomi’s church who is happily married to Sandra, wanted to show Tomi something interesting he saw on Instagram so he gave Tomi his phone with the Instagram picture open. Tomi, a naturally curious person, decided to go through his personal pictures. After all he was a brother in church, and happily married, so what could there possibly be on his holy phone?

As she scrolled through Brother Ovie’s phone, she was shocked to find that it was filled with holy porn: naked pictures of Brother Ovie and his wife, and even a video of both of them. Tomi quickly handed the phone over to him, but she could not rest her mind. She had to talk to him about it.

“Brother Ovie, I’m sorry I went through your phone, but I saw some things on it that emm… emm…” she stammered. “I saw naked pictures of both you and your wife, and a sex tape of both of you. I’m sorry but, as a Christian, can we make sex tapes and have porn pictures on our phone as long as we are married to the person? Or is any sexual behaviour allowed as long as it is within the bounds of marriage?”

Brother Ovie responded by saying she should not have gone through his phone, but that yes, all sexual acts are acceptable as long as it’s within the bounds of marriage. He went on to say that he even used handcuffs and sex instruction tapes with his wife, and they send nude pictures of themselves to each other; they are married and it is his duty to satisfy his wife anyhow they want it. As long as it’s within the bounds of their marriage, it’s acceptable.

Tomi is still confused in her mind. To her, those actions are not pure.

  1. So is every sexual behaviour within the bounds of marriage of God?
  2. If no, what are the Bible-based boundaries?

 

Please comment.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

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10 thoughts on “The Believer’s Sexuality 2: Should Christian Couples Exchange Nudes?

  1. All things are permissible but not all thinga are beneficiary
    To the man who wants to cuff me, choke me, whip me “Jesus was bruised for my transgressions. Let no man try it for I bear on my body the marks of the Lord Jesus Christ”
    Warrisalldis!!!!!
    As for porn…people should realize nothing in your phone is safe. A repair man can steal your nudes. They can be uploaded in error. God forbid u have a nasty breakup n an ex uses them to blackmail u. Endless possibilities
    Sex is not food biko! Enjoy the experience and savour the memory.
    Cheers

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  2. hink what couples do sexually is their business as long as its mutual. I don’t know about the creativity with cuffs and whatever; there are boundaries and a mirror side for everything in this world so couples’ sexual activities have boundaries too. Sis Tomi should stay in awe until she’s married.

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  3. Within marriage, porn is unacceptable.

    Most times it degrades and decimated another person…

    There must be holier ways to to communicate your needs without resorting to being crude.

    There are creative ways of communicating honest needs without being dirty.

    If you have ever read redeeming love by Francine Rivers, you will know that less is more and intimacy is more than being crude…

    It is the opening of one’s mind and soul to another. The baring of one’s heart and there are creative and poetic ways to express emotions. Just be certain you are on the same page with your spouse.

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  4. For every grey area in christianity – sexuality, habits, lifestyle, Phil. 4:8 should be the baseline, and if it doesn’t match up with this scripture, then whatever that thing, subject or habit is, is questionable.

    Philippians 4:8
    http://bible.com/8/php.4.8.AMPC For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].

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  5. Another tough one.
    My opinion is that as long as your acts of sexual expressions are clearly directed to both of you and do not defile Christ, I think you can draw the line there. If either of the parties have any iota of guilt after the acts of pleasure, then there’s something wrong. This should be another pointer.
    As christians we’re meant to be guided by the Holy Spirit not worldly ideas and methods. The Bible enjoins is to test all spirits. Lastly, my guiding scripture for such issues will be Phillipians 4:8 (“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things”).

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  6. Hmm! Very interesting and provocative for the religious mind ( note, religious mind I referred to and not christian mind). Well the perceived porn pictures are mere nude pictures of a MARRIED couple who have figured out how to enjoy sexual pleasures (which many couples have zero clue to : subsequently causing major friction in their home). Beds (mind) designed to produce pleasurable feelings have turned to battle fields with thorns and mines. Let’s even attempt to define the elements of pornography for better understanding and judge if the couple (Ovie & wife ) are actually practising it. Pornography in my opinion has three elements which may be interwoven: lust, shame/ridicule and illicit profiting. Now back to Ovie’s perceived pictures. Which of these aforementioned elements describes his intention? Is it wrong for a man to desire with great passion his own wife ( not girl friend)? Were the pictures taken without mutual consent? Worst still could they have been taken for the purpose of riducule and profitting on social media? If answers are no then … As christians, we toll most times the lines of religion and rob ourselves off God given gifts made available for us to enjoy. We tend to endure them and believe in religious fallacies that those things are not right/not for us. In the context of a marriage between a man ( being the husband) and wife ( being a woman). I am being very specific on male and female because these days man and wife can be a woman and a woman ; and a man and another man playing the role of husband and wife: God frowns at that. God designed and has given the privilege of intense sexual pleasures in the context of marriage ( for different sexes). Yes there are exceptions to these intense sexual feelings and emotions as captured below: 1. Fornication – 1Cor7:2; 1Thess4:3 2. Adultery – Matt5:28 3. Homosexuality & Lesbianism – Rom1:27; 1Cor6:9 4. Lustful Passion – Mark7:21-22;Eph4:19 My opinion in closing is for married couples to engage pleasurable activities that are convenient, safe and comfortable for both partners.

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  7. So, for the purpose of separating the issues, we are talking about fantasy, role-playing sex and we are also considering if it’s wrong for Christian couples to share nudes.
    I’ve read the previous comments and I think enough has (rightly) been said about how the Philippians 4:8 test should be applied to the former.
    On the question of sharing nudes, I believe there is nothing wrong with this in itself, but the very real risk of a privacy breach in your (usually) mobile device makes it an inherently unsafe and unadvisable practice that is capable of bringing much embarrassment to you, your spouse or both. Sadly, as someone previous commented, in cases where the relationship goes in the wrong direction, you also need to consider the unsavory possibility of your spouse using your nudes (especially personal nudes) against you. I have known a case where a man personally leaked explicit videos (which he had recorded himself in happier times) of his estranged wife to social media, just to embarrass her and destroy her career.

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    • The more reason to stay away from doing pictures, videos, etc.
      Whichever way you look at it, it is just unsafe.
      The safest way though is to marry someone you trust. Trust in the Lord and apply wisdom at all times.

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  8. Reading through the comments above.. I see a lot of angles have been covered concerning this topic mostly stating maintaining purity (absence of carnal influences) in sexual relations and also being wise regarding the use of electronic devices. To add to this, I will remind us of our identity and how every Christian has been TRANSLATED from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of God’s light. This means we have two laws within our bodies fighting for control; the law of sin and death and the law of spirit and life. It is the one we submit to that comes out on top. We have been instructed to ‘mortify the deeds of the flesh by the Spirit’ hence if a Christian doesn’t do this, his flesh (which should be dead) will easily be aroused by sinful appetites. This is why it is dangerous for Christians who like to say ‘abeg leave spiritual matter.. Let’s talk reality here’ They don’t know their identity in Christ and are playing directly into the devil’s hands. If the only way to kill fleshly/sinful/worldly desires is by the Spirit yet you want to set spiritual matters aside for some certain subjects, you are simply letting the devil to have his way with you.

    ‘Love not the world nor the THINGS in the world’ If you ask a Christian, do you steal, kill, lie, commit adultery, etc.. All the common sins.. It is easy to say NO. But what does the Bible mean by the ‘things’ in the world. Satan, in the Bible, is referred to the god of this world (age in other translations) simply implying where his DOMAIN and DOMINION is. So if you take a ‘thing in/of the world’.. The devil has domain and dominion there and by ‘right’ has access to come in and operate.
    This is why sometimes couples who are not participating in OBVIOUS sins still see demonic activity (finances, health, kids, etc) in their homes and they are surprised how they have the access.

    If the practice of using handcuffs or sex toys or roleplay, etc originates from the world.. Then why bring it into a Christian home. The original intent was for lewd, animalistic sexual activities that serve to over-indulge the flesh. Same thing as porn. Main intent is to sensually arouse and entice the flesh.. Spirits (e.g. lust) that are attached to these things often pass on to the users whether or not one believes in them. It is their domain hence they have the right.

    Also some Christians have that one person in their circle of friends who usually brags about and clearly details their sexual exploits and they (the christians) enjoy these gists.. Usually at the end they would say something ‘christianese’ just to pacify their conscience but would have been excited already.. especially if it is one that is heard regularly, say, at work. This can inject ungodly thoughts one may want to practice with his/her spouse. The spirit attached with that gist will follow and do damage.

    So it is still important for Christians even after marriage to keep themselves from carnal desires and inventions, lewd conversations and/or company.. All these will corrupt the soul and inevitably pass the corruption to the marriage.

    Finally, the Bible says a wife has no authority over her body but hands it over to her husband and the man likewise when it comes to sex (1Cor 7:4). So in this CONTEXT a man or woman can ask for nudes or ask for other sexual favours but just be careful to not import something harmful into your home. Use educational and inspirational sex materials (e.g. Tim and Beverly LaHaye’s ‘The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of sexual love’) on sex for those who need to spice things up and if that one no reach, ask the Holy Spirit in you. When He shows you those sweet and sexy revelations, please share with the body of Christ as you are led.

    Let us help ourselves abeg as God helps us .

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  9. How “porn” entered this story is beyond me. Tomi found nude pictures of Ovie and his wife Sandra, not pornography.

    I do not encourage couples to keep their nudes (or sex videos!) in their phone for security reasons. Anything can happen to that phone. For this reason, I cannot even make a video because there’s no guarantee it will stay between two of us, no matter how careful we are. Better safe than sorry.

    I also don’t think Ovie was acting properly in telling Tomi about his bedroom activities, especially as she’s a single sister. Highly inappropriate. (1 Timothy 5:2).

    What couples do should be what they are both comfortable with and what enhances their pleasure, and it should remain between TWO of them in their marriage chamber unless they are teaching other married brethren, which is not personal (such as Christian books and blogs that help married couples).

    Anything that invites a third party into their sexual activity is a no-no, and that includes leaving nakedness on devices that can be seen by others, inviting others into their bedroom via porn or in person, and even thinking of others while making love- that is third party too.

    Some things are just human, not from “the world” or “the church”. If not that breast sucking was in the Bible, awon religious would still have come to say, “Breast is meant for baby! It is obvious that it is for milk and not for husband, how disgusting! How can a Christian man be sucking his wife’s breast, what does that have to do with procreation? Is that what it was created for? Perversion of the purpose of mammary glands! Breast suckers are going to hell!”

    Husband and wife, finish. Their bedroom, their business. We are not called to create do’s and don’ts that are not in the Bible. Let us all be led by the Spirit as we enjoy our marriage beds.

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