Kumi, a 33-year-old lady, is married to Larry. The marriage is blessed with four children.
Four years into the marriage, Kumi realized something: Larry was having extramarital affairs. It came as a shock to her because she never saw it coming. He never showed any signs. Now he was spending less time at home, and becoming more and more distant.
When Kumi investigated the matter properly, she discovered that he had a well-furnished apartment in town where he took his girlfriends. He spent most of his money on expensive restaurants and women. Kumi confronted him, but he would not change. Now that he was making some money, he considered himself “the boss”.
His cheating and his attitude became a huge problem in their marriage. They fought over the issue every day. One time, she followed him to his “side apartment” where she fought one of his girlfriends. Another time, she moved out of their matrimonial home with the children, but members of both families intervened and she moved back in.
“I cannot live like this,” Kumi says. “I cannot have this man disrespect me and our marriage like this. This is exactly what my father put my mother through. He kept changing women up and down. When he was going on official trips abroad he always went with one girlfriend or the other. My mother has never travelled abroad in her life! There was a time my father lost his job and was out of work for years. It was my mother who sustained him. Immediately he got back on his feet, he started again with different women. Now that he is old and sick, guess who is taking care of him? My mother! She is the one buying his drugs, managing his diet, checking his insulin level, everything. Where are all those girls he was enjoying his money and his life with? They are nowhere to be found. All the money my siblings and I send to my mum, she uses it to take care of him. We have told her several times to leave him, but she will not. She says he’s still her husband. I know she feels there’s some great reward waiting for her in heaven. As for me, it can never happen. It’s not my portion. If it takes me putting Larry in a bottle or caging him somehow, I will do it. But for me to sit down and be wife, while those women get the best part of him, then when he is old and useless, I will now be the ‘wife of his youth’? Mba, not my portion.”
1. How can Kumi make a man like Larry comply?
2. Is putting a man in a bottle the best way to secure him, or secure a marriage?
3. Why can’t men with money just be disciplined?